Over the past two-and-a-half years, the wide range of dilemmas you’ve sent to Private Lifestyles, and the clarity with which you have articulated them, possess taught me a great deal. Inturn, I thought it might be useful if I explain how I go about trying to resolve those dilemmas (and this is how I work in treatment). That way you will have something which might guide you, or at best get you started, when you handle any psychological issues you may face in the foreseeable future.
What I’m not likely to give you is a pair of instructions presented in an unvarying order. We are all special, and so are the problems we all face. So any kind of “one size fits all” way of therapy is unlikely to function. You can learn a lot from those who find themselves familiar with problems similar to your own, it’s true. However the best solutions for you personally will be the ones you fashion yourself. Do bear this at heart if you ever seek specialist help.
Break your problem down into smaller parts
Many people feel overwhelmed and discouraged by the evident enormity of the issues they face. Nevertheless, if you make a series of little changes, things will quickly feel more workable. Choose to do something that can make a positive difference : however small – in your life quickly, state within one week. As one example of how well this operates, I often help remind my patients regarding Milo of Kroton, an Ancient greek tale recounted to me simply by Mary Beard, teacher of classics at the University of Cambridge. Milo was famed for his / her strength, and one associated with his achievements has been that he was able to elevate a full-grown bull. He or she built up his durability by lifting a baby calf every day right up until it was fully expanded. You can solve almost any problem if you merely break it on to small enough steps.
It’s difficult to remain motivated to complete the hard work associated with making life changes – in fact, There is it to be impossible — unless you have an apparent picture of how you want your life to be any time that problem is dealt with. That’s why I always inquire my patients early on in therapy how they imagine their existence will be when they no longer have the problem they have come to see me personally about. If they have little if any idea how to response that question, they’re not yet ready for the hard work that lies ahead.
Consider the role you are playing to maintain your problem
Seek out role models to inspire an individual
Furthermore, even if you do, it’s unlikely that the parents would have shown you how to deal with every scenario you will encounter, so it’s smart to look out for other excellent role models to motivate you. Therefore, when you’re feeling stuck, try to think of someone who’s faced a similar situation and handled it well. What can you learn from in which example? Don’t reduce yourself only to people who are “real” or present. A number of my best solutions have been inspired simply by characters in great novels or individuals who lived long ago.
Build on the positive rather than only trying to eliminate the negative.
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